Tears dry on their own..

I cried on somebody today, who I didn't want to cry in front of, at least not this early in the game. It was other something silly and trivial and I wish that I hadn't now. But he helped me see things clearer and realise that getting angry and shouting about things isn't going to help my problems. How will shouting make my Mum stay here with me? It wont..

Sometimes tears take over me, and I don't know why. The other day for instance, nothing spectacularly bad had happened to me, I had been feeling a little stressed the days before this, but I thought I was fine. I walk into my Dad's house, carry my stuff upstairs, and started crying. Full on, body wrenching tears. It was horrible, I was there at least 20 minutes, then my Dad realised and came sprinting up the stairs.

I'm not going to lie to you, I think to be honestIi have quite a lot of bad stuff going on in my life at the moment. How many people do you know who's Mum leaves them, for a man, and goes abroad. You may have come across this before, but me? Never. I never expected that person to be me. Ever. The thing I find the hardest is that I'm close to my Mum, I can literally tell her anything. Who else can I cry on now, without burdening them? You may be thinking "Oh you have all your friends", but they have their own problems, and I'm not the type of person who puts my needs before others. I couldn't have them trying to deal with and sort out my problems for me, that's not something I feel comfortable doing. I've had plenty of people offer their shoulder for me to cry on, because the next couple of months are going to be extremely hard on me, but I can't burden other people with my problems, their mine, and their not the type of problems that can be solved.

Thank you all the people that have offered their shoulders, and I will accept most of your help at some point over the next couple of months, no doubt, but I wont make a habit of it. As someone so rightly told me today, I can't rely on other people to sort out my problems for me, what do I do when they leave? I will use you guys. Simple as that. I know that sounds horrible, but I wont use you in a bad way, because while I'm using you, I'm not burdening you with all my problems.

As the saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

So, thank you for the next couple of months, I know you will all help me. But if one day I don't turn to you for help, I turn to someone else, don't think I don't appreciate everything you would have done for me, I'm just not trying to burden you with my problems.

My tears will dry on their own :')

10 whole years...

My last blog was a thank you to all the people who have helped me. There is a certain person I know who i didn't mention in my blog, because to be totally honest, there wasn't enough room in that blog for all the thank you's i owe her.

When i was 5 years old, I met a girl who affected my life greatly...we met and instantly were friends. She was   boisterous, and strong, and chirpy and all the things a 5 year old girl should be. Me on the other hand, I was shy, quiet and feeble. She was the person who shaped me, and made me the way i am today. We were close, the best of friends, and not a thing has changed to this day. We complete eachother, i become a different person when i'm with her. We're the opposite but the same, and i can't explain my love for her.

She never had an easy life, things happened to her the whole way through, but her strong willed attitude towards life battled her through everything, and made her the able-bodied person she is today.

She is the girl that made me smile, no matter what. She made me realise that crying at every tiny thing is not going to help anything or anyone, and it's better to try and smile through everything.

The day she left to move to Northern Ireland I cried the whole night, I didn't sleep a wink. I went to school the next week and everybody tried to comfort me, i was having none of it, not without my best friend by my side. Eventually, i made more friends, and had a couple of close friends, but nobody could take the place of her in my heart.

It was in year 3 that she left, the next time i saw her was in year 9! And 6 years later, we got on like a house on fire, still! We have the kind of friendship where you don't have to be in each others shadows all the time to still be friends. By the end of the day, we'd already had a go at a girl and dressed up as slags together...My best friend was back!

I went to go stay at her house the other week for a week, and i miss her already. I had the best time, and it was nice to just get away from my life for a while, and be with her, like old times.

I have so much to thank her for, starting with all the times as a child she looked after me and easily made me smile again. She shaped me to be the person i am today, rather than some weedy quiet child. She inspired me to sing, by making me constantly sing. She made me a happy person, rather than a sad one, and i can share anything with her, every secret.

So, Sophie Greenshields, thank you for the past 10 years, thank you for every day, thank you for being my best friend, thank you for being there every time i call, thank you for EVERY SECOND! <3

Just An Ickle Thank You...

Recently, I've been crying a lot. It's probably a mixture of hormones and stress. And i feel so cruel for taking this stress out on my friends and family and people i love, but they don't seem to mind. This blog is a thank you blog, and it's for all the people that i haven't thought about thanking properly until now.

Number One on my list is my Sister, and Best Friend Courtney. She is the type of girl, when someone is crying who sits there, and has no clue what to do. But i know she does everything humanly possible to try and make my life so much easier and stress free. Examples of these are: She makes my lunch, every morning; She does my hair for me (because i can't do it to save my life) even though hers wont have time to be done; She tells every single guy that i like that if they hurt me, she'll make their lives living hell; She tidy's my room, because i am the messiest girl on the planet. Etc etc, the list could go on for hours. I can't put into words, how much i really do appreciate everything she does for me, day in, day out. Okay, she may not know what to do when I'm crying, but she tries her best to make me laugh, or cheer me up. And her way of helping me is making my life as stress free as possible. So, Courtney-Elizabeth Hazel Duffin, this is for you, and this is my thank you! <3

Number Two on my list is my Brother Luke. He doesn't read my blog, at least, i don't think he does. And he'll  probably never know just how much i appreciate everything he does for me. He comes and hugs me every single time he sees me crying, no matter what, no matter who he's with. He let's me borrow his guitar all the time, and he's always trying to help me with my music. He gives me advice all the time, on school, on music, on parent's, on guys and i would not be the person i am today without him. He has made me who i am, he's the reason that I'm strong, he's the reason that i try my best in everything, and i can't thank him enough for his support in everything i do. Luke Michael Gazzard, even if you never read this, this is your thank you! <3

Number Three on my list is my Dad Mike. I know for a fact that he never reads my blog, because he's not the most technical person in the world and probably doesn't know what blogger is. But all the same, i cannot thank him enough for bringing me into this world, for always looking after me, for being an amazing father, to me, my brother and Courtney and Taylor who aren't his children. He's the type of man who tries to make the best out of people, he dedicates his life to making people better people, helping them, making their lives as stress free as possible and generally being an amazing man. He tries so hard to look after everyone, even if that does mean doing weird things to save money so that we can do stuff as a family. He sits me down, and asks me if I'm okay, even if there's the tiniest of tears in my eyes. And i cannot thank him enough for being the man that he is. Michael Leslie Gazzard, thank you for being the best man in my life! <3

Number Four on my list is a beautiful girl, and an amazing friend called Phoebe. I never say thank you to her enough. She are the type of girl, who even if she has huge tears dripping down her face, she cares about someone else first. I cannot thank her and her family enough for the amount of times they have taken me in and looked after me when i haven't been myself, when I've been an unhappy Kayleigh. She has a shining personality, and is perfect. She has hidden talents that she needs to let shine through more, she needs to show the world the real Phoebe Ramshaw. This paragraph is so many thank yous that she hasn't heard from me, i need to say it to her more! Phoebe Sarah Mason Ramshaw, thank you for being the girl that you are! <3

Number Five on my list is my Best Friend, and the most genuine guy in my world, Finn. I never thank him, ever, for cheering me up, he always find a way to make me smile, or cry from laughter! The number of hilarious memories i have with him are unreal. I'm glad that we're close, otherwise i would not be as happy as i am now. If I'm ever sad, i think of some of the times that we've shared, and i never fail to smile. I love how he does not care, and he will embarrass himself freely to cheer me up. He is the sweetest guy in the world, and I'm so glad i have him as a best friend. Finn Michael Walsh, thank you for not changing who you are, and being so hilarious! <3

Number Six on my list is a kind hearted amazing woman, Elizabeth. Liz, I am unbelievably grateful for everything. She is the one that i can go crying to, with snot down my face, and she'll just hug me, and hug me, and hug me until i feel better, even if we were there for hours, she wouldn't stop until my tears had been dried up and I've calmed down. She are an amazing mother to Courtney and Taylor, and i know they are both incredibly grateful to have her. Thank you for being the Mum they both need. Thank you for being the Step-Mum that i have needed, and do still need. She doesn't know how happy i am to have her in my life looking after me, I'm incredibly lucky to have her. Elizabeth Larraine Duffin, thank you for being the rock that i need right now, and i love you! <3

Number Seven on my list is a man who I've know for years, who as annoying as he is, is also amazing, Marc. He's annoying, sorry, had to say it! But he's also amazing! He has amazing advice, and i can count on him to be able to hug if I'm crying, or if i feel stressed. I think we're quite similar, and I'm glad that we're close and we can get on. He does drive me round the bend, but i still love him. I want to thank him in advance for looking after my Mum in Dubai, I'm eternally grateful. I'll miss him, i can tell. Marc Steven, thank you for being the man that my Mum really did need! <3

Number Eight on my list is a guy, who is my Step-Brother, and my best friend, Kieran. He may not know this, but I'm so thankful to have him in my life. He see things so clearly, and i love it when he explains things to me from his point of view, it helps me see the world in a different way. I wish so much that he can still come down to Calne to see me, we're all gonna miss him down here. I miss him now! I'm so thankful to him for being the way he is, it's helped me so much, i can't explain it! I want to thank him for being strong, through everything, and for being patient with me. He deserve the best, he better not dare settle for anything less! I will punch him! Kieran Michael Steven, thank you for being who you are and nothing less! <3

Number Nine on my list is a guy who hasn't been in my life long, but has influenced it immensly, i'm not sure whether or not to name him though, so he'll be nameless. He'll know who he is. I want to thank him for every word he has ever said to me. He's amazing at words, and his never fail to make me smile. He came along, and he took my heart, and he's been looking after it ever since. If he hadn't come along, i don't know where i would be now, i just know it wouldn't have been a good or healthy place. I want to thank him for saving me. I want to thank him for being a gentleman, i want to thank him for looking after me, and i want to thank him for generally being there, whenever i call. Nameless, thank you for saving me! <3

Last but in no way least on my list, is a woman who has influenced my life so much, my beautiful, amazing Mum, Rachel. i will be eternally grateful for her, she's dedicated her life to making mine the best possible, and she still is. I'm going to miss her so much when she's in Dubai, it's going to be hard for both of us. I want to thank her for my life, she's made me the way i am, she is the most amazing woman in my life, and nothing will ever change that! I can't explain how thankful i am to her for every single day of my life. I want to thank her for being the woman that i hope one day to become, thank her for bringing me up the best way possible, thank her for wiping away my millions of tears, thank her for aspiring me to sing, thank her for helping me beat the bullies, thank her for singing with me, thank her for telling me to shut up singing, thank her for a million other things that i have never said thank you enough for! Rachel Gazzard, thank you for influencing my life, making me the way i am! <3

These are not the only people i have to thank. There are so many more, but this blog would be endless. Here's everyone else who rightly deserves to be on my list.
Taylor. Debbie Burdett. Jessica Newton Burdett. Gareth Burdett. Evie Burdett. Amy Potter. Katie Charlton. Bethany Mills. Amber Williamson. Rebbecca Mansell. Katy Clough. Matthew Thorpe/Doughty. Sophie Greenshields. Sharon Greenshields. Joe Tinnion. Thomas Baguley. Craig Chamberlain. Ellie Spanton. Nathan Hill. Aurelie Hill. Bev Norman. John Norman. Graham Hill. Janice Hill. Mandy Glover. Simon Glover. Chris Glover. Claire Glover. Amy Glover. Joanne Glover. All of my extended family.
Seriously the list goes on. Thank you every single person who has influenced my life in some way. I love every single one of you, and am impeccably grateful and happy to have you in my life! <3

A "Wonderful" Thing Called The Male Species...

In this world there are Male's and females. But I'm not gonna degrade you, you probably already know that (at least, i hope you do). People fall in love, blah blah blah, you know the rest. But there is a time, called the "Teen-age" when i know for a fact that girls, and probably guys, worry a lot about relationships, worry about having a boyfriend/girlfriend, worry about being perfect for that one special person.
But it's not always simple, it's not always two people meet and they instantly fall in love. Emotion's like sadness, anger, jealousy are all mixed into the big combination, and it just ends up being a complicated mess. I have had my fair share of this, not that I've really had proper relationships, but that's not to say that guys haven't royally messed things up in my life. The number of times i have sat with my mum, or with my friends, crying my eyes out because of how much I like a guy, who just goes and breaks my heart as if it's insignificant.
It's like guys set out to use a girl, like for sex, or just to look good, to have something pretty on their arm. They don't think of the consequences, of how the girl is going to feel in the end, which is heartbroken, with mascara streaming down their faces. This is from the point of view of a girl, I don't know how guys feel about the Female Species.
But, not all guys are like that, thankfully! I know of a few sweet fellas, who only ever try to do the best for girls, and who would actually love and care for us. But, we look in the wrong places and never find them. I find it sad, that so many guys are decent, and will treat girls decently, but girls go for the idiots! The one's who will go out with you, sex you up, then drop you right back down to the ground when their bored. My mind, when writing this, is on a small quantity of boys who are the LUSHEST males, and who are overlooked by girls, because they are not classed as "cool". And it makes me sad that no girls will go for these guys, and that these guys will in the end get the best girls, and the girls that are stupid enough to overlook them will be like "oh, damn".
I set out to write this as a rant about the Male Species, but i guess, it just turned into me saying that the actual decent guys out there are overlooked. I'm sick of guys being jerks to me, but I'm glad that i do have the close guy friends that i have, who look after me and defend me and back me up and look after me. I'd die without them....

Love Plain Ole' Me <3 x

Just For You....

I don't understand it when people cheat. Or set out to make people jealous. Or anything like that, it's pathetic. And when your with someone, you might as well commit. What's the point of being with someone and going out with loads of other girls all the time, or cheating. If you don't wanna be with someone, then why string them along, or hurt them? It's pathetic.
I, myself have been cheated on, and i know it hurts. So i get very protective of my friends, and if any guy or girl is hurting or has hurt my friend i will always help. So i set this blog out to one of my friends today to say that HE is not worth it, he's not worth you, he's pathetic, and he does it to everyone. I know your not certain that he has done anything yet, but that's not the point, he's done it before, what's not to say he's gonna do it again? Of course i will pick up the pieces for you, and i will go and find him, and like i promised i will hurt him. But please listen to me, listen to your other friends, listen to everyone and realise HE IS NOT WORTH YOU! He deserves the dirt that he is currently hanging out with, and nothing more. I set this blog out to you to let you know that i love you very much, you are my family and my friend, and i will always love you, and i don't want you to get hurt. Please listen to me Beautiful <3 xx i love you...