Tears dry on their own..

I cried on somebody today, who I didn't want to cry in front of, at least not this early in the game. It was other something silly and trivial and I wish that I hadn't now. But he helped me see things clearer and realise that getting angry and shouting about things isn't going to help my problems. How will shouting make my Mum stay here with me? It wont..

Sometimes tears take over me, and I don't know why. The other day for instance, nothing spectacularly bad had happened to me, I had been feeling a little stressed the days before this, but I thought I was fine. I walk into my Dad's house, carry my stuff upstairs, and started crying. Full on, body wrenching tears. It was horrible, I was there at least 20 minutes, then my Dad realised and came sprinting up the stairs.

I'm not going to lie to you, I think to be honestIi have quite a lot of bad stuff going on in my life at the moment. How many people do you know who's Mum leaves them, for a man, and goes abroad. You may have come across this before, but me? Never. I never expected that person to be me. Ever. The thing I find the hardest is that I'm close to my Mum, I can literally tell her anything. Who else can I cry on now, without burdening them? You may be thinking "Oh you have all your friends", but they have their own problems, and I'm not the type of person who puts my needs before others. I couldn't have them trying to deal with and sort out my problems for me, that's not something I feel comfortable doing. I've had plenty of people offer their shoulder for me to cry on, because the next couple of months are going to be extremely hard on me, but I can't burden other people with my problems, their mine, and their not the type of problems that can be solved.

Thank you all the people that have offered their shoulders, and I will accept most of your help at some point over the next couple of months, no doubt, but I wont make a habit of it. As someone so rightly told me today, I can't rely on other people to sort out my problems for me, what do I do when they leave? I will use you guys. Simple as that. I know that sounds horrible, but I wont use you in a bad way, because while I'm using you, I'm not burdening you with all my problems.

As the saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

So, thank you for the next couple of months, I know you will all help me. But if one day I don't turn to you for help, I turn to someone else, don't think I don't appreciate everything you would have done for me, I'm just not trying to burden you with my problems.

My tears will dry on their own :')

10 whole years...

My last blog was a thank you to all the people who have helped me. There is a certain person I know who i didn't mention in my blog, because to be totally honest, there wasn't enough room in that blog for all the thank you's i owe her.

When i was 5 years old, I met a girl who affected my life greatly...we met and instantly were friends. She was   boisterous, and strong, and chirpy and all the things a 5 year old girl should be. Me on the other hand, I was shy, quiet and feeble. She was the person who shaped me, and made me the way i am today. We were close, the best of friends, and not a thing has changed to this day. We complete eachother, i become a different person when i'm with her. We're the opposite but the same, and i can't explain my love for her.

She never had an easy life, things happened to her the whole way through, but her strong willed attitude towards life battled her through everything, and made her the able-bodied person she is today.

She is the girl that made me smile, no matter what. She made me realise that crying at every tiny thing is not going to help anything or anyone, and it's better to try and smile through everything.

The day she left to move to Northern Ireland I cried the whole night, I didn't sleep a wink. I went to school the next week and everybody tried to comfort me, i was having none of it, not without my best friend by my side. Eventually, i made more friends, and had a couple of close friends, but nobody could take the place of her in my heart.

It was in year 3 that she left, the next time i saw her was in year 9! And 6 years later, we got on like a house on fire, still! We have the kind of friendship where you don't have to be in each others shadows all the time to still be friends. By the end of the day, we'd already had a go at a girl and dressed up as slags together...My best friend was back!

I went to go stay at her house the other week for a week, and i miss her already. I had the best time, and it was nice to just get away from my life for a while, and be with her, like old times.

I have so much to thank her for, starting with all the times as a child she looked after me and easily made me smile again. She shaped me to be the person i am today, rather than some weedy quiet child. She inspired me to sing, by making me constantly sing. She made me a happy person, rather than a sad one, and i can share anything with her, every secret.

So, Sophie Greenshields, thank you for the past 10 years, thank you for every day, thank you for being my best friend, thank you for being there every time i call, thank you for EVERY SECOND! <3